Waiting For The Other Shoe To Drop
There’s a scene in the movie version of Sex and the City where Carrie, at the behest of Harry, speaks to a newly pregnant Charlotte about why she’s not running anymore. And Charlotte responds in her typical way, with an outburst about how happy and lucky she is, and how she’s afraid something bad will happen.
And Carrie asks:
“What makes you think something bad is going to happen?”
To which Charlotte responds:
“Because! Nobody gets everything they want! Look at you, look at Miranda. You’re good people and you two both got shafted. I’m so happy and… something bad is going to happen.”
And this, in a nutshell, is how I feel about my life.
I’m so happy and so lucky and so grateful. I literally have everything I want. My life feels totally and 100% perfect. And I feel like I am constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop because nobody’s life is this perfect and something bad must be on the horizon.
Does that make any sense or does it just sound like I’m being an asshole?
The rational side of me knows that life wasn’t always this grand, and reminds me of what it took to get here: a lot of hard work. Multiple jobs at the same time. Weeks away from The Pharmacist. Many, many, many hours of studying for him and many, many, many dollars to pay for pharmacy school. A really rocky year of relationship growing pains. Shitty apartments and even shittier neighbors. The quintessential quarter life crisis, complete with a horrible boss and a job that had me crying every morning before work.
But eventually, things got better. I got a new job, with a great boss. The Pharmacist graduated. We both made more money—which, don’t lie, DOES help. We moved to the nicest apartment either of us has ever lived in, in a great area. We got engaged. Had the best wedding ever. And eventually I looked around and realized that over the years, life became, well, grand. So why can’t the irrational side of me just shut up? Instead, it rails about how perfect life is and how something bad must be on the horizon.
I just feel so happy and lucky and GRATEFUL for everything in my life. Seriously…I just feel So. Incredibly. Lucky. And I am afraid that since everything feels so perfect and amazing right now, something bad MUST have to happen.
I seriously pinch myself every day because this is my life. And I love it so much. I think about this especially when I walk to and from my German class on Tuesdays and the city is alive with lights, and the holiday decorations are being put up, and I take it all in. This is where we live and I love it. Or when I go to work and we crack an inane joke and I think this is where I work and I love it. Or when I wake up next to my husband each morning…or we have a date night and I get a little tipsy on one too many glasses of wine, but “OMGthisfoodisamazing”…or when we’re at church on Sundays and I leave feeling so fulfilled and happy…or when I spend the weekend cooking and cleaning—because I enjoy it—and I think this is my life and I love it so much. How did I get so lucky? I am so, so grateful.
Can anybody relate?
Sounds like you’re being an asshole.
Wow, thanks for the insightful comments on a post that was really hard for me to write.
And this is why I hardly blog any more. TROLLS. >:(
He’s not really a troll, he’s just being cheeky. I know him in real life!
Oh good. That crap makes me cry.
I totally relate. I have serious anxiety about this and I’m getting help for it. For me, it’s because the other shoe DID drop when my life was perfect in the past. I had an awesome childhood, and lived in a perfect house in a perfect neighborhood when–BAM–my junior year of high school, my parents got divorced, we had to sell the house and I moved into an apartment with my mom on the other side of town, further away from my friends. Then a few years later, two family members died and my mom got cancer. Mom’s better now and overall, things in my life at the moment are great. I have so much to be happy about. But I still have this anxiety about what bad thing will happen next. It sucks!
Taking the time to think about how grateful I am for the things I have (a healthy mom, an amazing husband, a good job, etc.) really helps. You have to live in the moment and appreciate what you have now! Because unfortunately, something bad will eventually happen. Bad things happen to everyone. But there’s no reason to worry about it now. Enjoy your life!
Great post.
Ghenet–see below. I think I addressed both yours and Kayla’s comments about living in the moment there.
Thank you for your thoughtful comments and I appreciate you sharing your story. And you’re right, nothing is perfect forever and there will be trials and tribulations along the way. I just need to remember to focus on not worrying about those until we get to them!
This is an interesting post for me…
I guess I can and can’t relate. I love my life — I really do — but I am waiting for the day when I wake up and think, ‘Wow, I have everything I could ever want or need. My life is fabulous.’ I have a wonderful husband who adores me. I have a great, supportive family. I have a beautiful home into which we’ll be moving in three days. But… I don’t have the love and respect I think I deserve from my in-laws. I don’t have a job; hell, I don’t even know what I want to be when I grow up. I don’t have enough money.
I have to agree with Ghenet: You have to live in the moment. Be grateful for what you have and don’t worry about the bad stuff that might or might not even happen. You will go through your fair share of trials and tribulations as you grow up even more, but you also will be well equipped to handle them when they come. You must be present.
I think I gave off the impression that I don’t live in the moment, which I do try to do–when I talk about how much I stop to think, this is amazing, I love my life…that’s in the moment for me. I just can’t get over that nagging feeling in the back of my mind though, and that’s more what this post was about! I agree, being present is the key thing.
It totally makes sense what you are saying, I know that I also feel so happy and lucky with my life at the moment and I find myself at times picking little fights or stressing about stupid stuff just because I feel like maybe it is not as perfect as I think. Maybe it is just human nature but I think acknowledging that maybe one day something really shitty might happen is a good thing too since it makes you appreciate the present!
I read this and thought about it for a long time before commenting – because I am the exact same way. Things can be going really, really well for me (and they are, which I am so thankful for!) but I can’t help but think that in the blink of an eye, things could totally suck because, like Charlotte said, nobody’s life is perfect. It could be about anything, really – health or our home or getting new tires on the car – once I have something checked off or I realize it’s okay, I can’t help but think “well, that’s okay….but XYZ could still go wrong.” (I’m also big on reminding people that “it could always be worse” – most likely because I’m always thinking about all of the ways that it really could be worse! Probably not by best attribute.)
I think that others who have said that living in the moment is key hit the nail on the head. I try to remind myself to enjoy the good times and the good things in my life, because they might not always be that way…but I also think it’s human nature to worry about what’s coming down the pike. I also try to remind myself that worrying doesn’t actually STOP these things from happening…they’ll happen regardless of whether or not I laid awake at night, worrying myself sick over them.
Charlotte was right. Nobody’s life is perfect. I think I remember seeing a quote once that said “perfection doesn’t lie in things being perfect, but in looking past the imperfections” or something like that. While that’s a great quote to try to remember, to put up in your cubicle, or to or pin on Pinterest, I think that it’s really REALLY hard to remember in day-to-day life.
I don’t think acknowledging that you’re this way from time to time (or even all the time!) makes you sound like an asshole…I think it makes you human. I commend you for writing this post, and I’m sitting over here, raising my hand, saying “Me, too!”
Well…..I’ve never once honestly thought that any aspect of my life was “perfect,” so I’m not sure I can relate. There has, unfortunately, always….literally always….been something stressful (and not just mildly so) or heartbreaking, or life changing, or frightening or crazy going on. I don’t wait for the other shoe to drop, I wait for them to go away altogether and for me to finally feel that, “ah, I can BREATHE now” feeling. Still waiting.
Even with all of that said – I still love my life, flaws, mishaps, issues, stresses, pains, heartbreaks, constant stresses….all of it. It’s not perfect, it’s not easy, it never has been, but I’ll take it and enjoy it just the same. What other option do I have? I work to change it, yes. You can’t change every situation you were put in. You can accept it and enjoy life anyway.
You are lucky to feel this way, Amy. Enjoy it – just enjoy it.
Layla, I just love you. You easily could’ve ignored this post or left a depressing comment, but you didn’t. I love your heart.
I agree with Laura. Your comment was very thoughtful and I have been thinking about it since last night. Thank you for sharing with us! And I think you shared a really important point–in life, we should work to take the bad with the good, and realize it makes us who we are, and try to love life just the same.
Ever hear of live for the moment, take time to smell the roses, live one day at a time, There’s a reason for these sayings and it’s because most people don’t and when they do it’s too late. Knowing what you need, getting it because of hard work and enjoying it is all part of the journey. I’m glad you’re smart enough to know what we all have vs. just about everyone else in the world. Couldn’t be happier watching the ride too.
Dad
What an amazing feeling to have everything go right. I think part of it is your ability to be excited and focus on all the positive things going on in your life. Enjoy it! So many people look for the little things that are going wrong and it’s great to see that you’re not. Be proud of all you’ve done to get here.
You know, you’re really right. I am an optimist and I do try to look on the bright side of things, so maybe it’s my ability to do so that lends me to have such positive feelings about life right now. Good insight!
The classic Goldilocks Feeling. Otherwise known as, “everything is juuuuuust right.” or in your case- perfect. My thoughts are as follows:
-You have everything you want. Right now.
-You love your job. Right now.
-You are grateful for your husband and his accomplishments. Right now.
-You have a fantastic apartment. Right now.
-You write an awesome blog. Right now.
But as you stated, it wasn’t always like that. Which is why I have to say that it is all relative to where we are in our lives, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, numerically
etc.
Again, as you stated, you’ve had some pretty shitty moments in your life. As we all have had or are having.
But you made choices to get you to where you are. You didn’t sit around feeling sorry for yourself. You did something. You actively took charge, and now that its all hunky dory, you don’t have anything to take control of…and that stagnance is…well, frightening. What the hell is going to happen? What if this? What if that? What scary shitty thing will drop on me and my family?
….nothing. And guess what? That’s ok…..Right now.
When you have something to worry about, do so. But until then, let the sun shine in, because honey, you’ve got it made.
What happened to me is everything finally fell into place…and then suddenly my depression kicked in. It’s been lurking in the background for years, and once I was finally so happy I didn’t have anything to distract me from it, BOOM. Depression. It pisses me off because my life is AWESOME. I’m working on it, therapy and such, but I have to keep reminding myself that my life ROCKS. After my dad leaving and my mom dying and having an emotionally abusive boyfriend for 6 years, I’m not used to just being completely happy. I have to WORK at it. I don’t blame you one bit, because after all the crap in my past I know it can crumble in a moment. I’m very happy for you though.
I know exactly what you mean and even though for me, the bad did come, I know that one day it’ll all balance out. It’s nice to hear from the so called “other side” though. I like hearing about hard work and effort pays off!
I can totally relate! I seriously think to myself at least once a day, ‘Wow. I am blessed.’ Life is so good and I am SO happy. And even on bad days, I wouldn’t trade my life, the people in it, or the season I’m in for anything. I’ve really been trying to cherish that – The season of life I/we are in now. I know once we have kids things will totally change (not that that’s a bad thing!) and I’ll miss this time in our lives.
What makes me worry isn’t necessarily that things are going so well, but more so that people around me (good, wonderful people!) are going through absolutely awful things. Or have had their happy lives turned upside down. So many stories lately have hit so close to home, and on top of remembering to be thankful for my life, I’ve been trying to remember how short and fragile it is. I’m doing my best to savor and enjoy every second of it!
THIS. Exactly this. I am so blessed and grateful and I think, “Why does so and so have such a hard time of it and I don’t? They’re a good person and deserve the best too.”
I am so blessed, seriously.
I liked your post too, Amy. And I can totally relate. I feel like I have had lots of ups and downs; relationship on the rocks (yep, been there too!!), sucky job (had that one, it blew huge chunks!!), really tough job changes for husband, money woes, living away from said husband with a newborn baby (hardest. time. EVER.), etc….
BUT, finally the chips fell for me in a good way too. Now, I have a wonderful home filled with wonderful things. Matt and I are headed towards 5 successful years of marriage. I have two amazing, wonderful, HEALTHY, perfect kids (and an awesome dog to boot!!) And Matt landed a job that allows me to live one of my dreams – to be home with my kids full time, and not have to worry about money.
I don’t feel like an asshole saying I am blessed, because I think I am appreciative and humble and grateful about it. I try my best to live in the moment; not because I am afraid it will change (although I know it could, which keeps me grateful!!!), but because I want to relish in the fact that for right now… in this moment… I truly have all I could even want or need.
And I think you share in the ability to be humble about what you have, so you should not feel bad about being proud!!! You are happy, and that is okay. Maybe there is a shoe that will drop and bring strom clouds (no one ever knows when that will happen!)… but maybe there isn’t!!! Keep smiling. I am so happy for you!!
Thanks Kristin! It’s good to hear from you!
A little late to jump on the bandwagon. I guess I thought I was seeing all your posts via facebook, but I wasn’t. Time to put you in my feed! I know exactly how you feel. And that level of being blessed and feeling so happy and fulfilled multiplies by a million when you have kids. Well at least it did for me. I know it is so cliche, but it is so true. And with each kid I think, am I pushing my luck?