Let’s Just Get All The Controversial Stuff Out of the Way In One Post.
First, I really debated posting this at all, but I feel like I want to share my thoughts on this stuff with you guys. Plus, early on in my pregnancy, I promised to be “no bullshit” on what I thought about things. Some of these are funny (& stupid), some are more serious, and I definitely will expand on a few of these in separate blog posts. For now though, here’s my current thoughts on a bunch of random pregnancy/parenting/etc. stuff:
Let’s start with a funny, stupid one…on the word “preggo.” I can’t decide if I like this word or not. Sometimes pregnancy feels too formal, but “preggo” is kind of obnoxious too. Obviously, I still use it, because although it’s obnoxious it also is kind of a fun way to shorten the traditional word. I also like using “knocked up” but people seem to get really weird and offended by that. Maybe because of its white trash connotations? I think it’s a hilarious term, but you should have seen the look my boss gave me when I first used it, haha.
…on a birth plan. I’m not writing one. GASP! I definitely will write a separate post about this, but I need to make sure I take my time about it lest I piss off or offend all the “you’re not advocating for yourself if you don’t have a birth plan!” people. Here’s a tiny preview: my husband is a healthcare professional. Who, uh, has a doctorate. And uh, specializes in drugs. And, yeah…he also used to work with my OB/GYN. So no, I don’t feel the need for a birth plan. But hey! If you feel more comfortable writing one, that is great and you should do so. Not everyone has a pharmacist for a husband, so I get it. Just don’t flame me for not doing one. And please spare me the whole “just because your husband is a healthcare professional doesn’t mean you’ll have a perfect birth experience.” Thanks, I get that too, and that’s not what I’m striving for anyway. It’s just one of many reasons I don’t feel that I—me, myself, and I, NOT you—need a birth plan. Again, I’ll get into it in more depth in a later post.
…on circumcision. Why do people feel the need to talk about their children’s genitalia on the Internet?! I’m sorry if you’ve done so, but maybe you can explain it to me because this is something I will never understand. If you want to talk about circumcision in general, or debate its merits, or whatever, awesome. I totally think that’s interesting and definitely worthy of discussion—I’ve read some very interesting blog posts on just that very topic. But what I don’t get is why people want to openly discuss what their specific kid’s genitals are going to look like? I, myself, would never ever ever EVER think about doing that. Sorry, but under no circumstances do I ever want any of you to know anything about the state of my child’s bits & pieces (unless you’re around enough to change his diaper). So, nope: there won’t be a post or even a discussion on this topic.
…on “loving” pregnancy. Lately, when I say this, I feel like I get a lot of, “You are such a liar!” or people who look at me like I have two heads—including other pregnant women. Well, surprise! I’m not lying, and as you can quite clearly see, I don’t have two heads:
There are two heads in this picture, but obviously they don’t both belong to me! One belongs to a super cute baby!
Now cleavage, on the other hand…yeah there’s a lot of that there. Sorry.
I really do love pregnancy, and everything that comes with it. Listen, I have the same aches and pains as everyone else. I’m not saying it doesn’t suck sometimes. Example: baby boy currently has his foot jammed into my rib, which hits some sort of nerve that triggers a pain in one specific round spot on my back. It hurts like an effer. Also, I am tired all the time & although I know it will be way worse when the baby is here, I don’t sleep through the night anymore. At all. Ever. I was just telling someone today that my second trimester was worse than my first—I was exhausted. And I still am! What I am trying to point out, however, is that overall, I absolutely love being pregnant—aches, pains, and all. I really, really enjoy it and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. If you don’t love pregnancy, that is ok and awesome and those are totally valid feelings too. Just…stop giving me the side eye because I am the opposite way, thanks.
…on breastfeeding. I really want to do it and I really want it to work. I am trying to go in with a confident attitude but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t really nervous that we are somehow going to fail. It seems like everything I read and everyone I know has some sort of failed nursing story. I would love to be able to nurse exclusively for 6 months or more, but again, I am really scared it won’t work out. Also, what if I have to have a c-section and can’t breastfeed right away? Will that set us up for failure? I know, such a dumb and minor thing to be worried about, since millions of mothers who’ve had c-sections nurse successfully (and I know some of them!), but still. If you have a nursing story you feel comfortable talking about, please share! Also, tell me how to get out of my own head and be more confident about it.
…on Experienced Moms ripping First Time Moms. Congratulations, you already have a child or children. Does that automatically give you the right to say that all first time moms are “naïve bitches” who will “learn someday”?! [I actually saw an exchange like that on Babycenter. WOW.] Yes, you have more experience than the rest of us. Seriously though, why are you being such an asshole about it? I love all of my mom friends [you guys know who you are] who give me real advice without being dicks about it. I think a lot of the dickish-ness experienced moms give first time moms could possibly stem from people not feeling comfortable with their own choices, or maybe from not feeling like they know how to properly defend their own choices. And that’s ok—all of us go through moments in life where we don’t have the perfect comeback for a given situation and we wish we would have said something differently. I just think it’s really important to remember that it’s ok for people to have different opinions on different topics. And it’s ok for first time moms to want to make their own mistakes—or figure out their own successes! I won’t even say you have to be supportive if you don’t feel comfortable with that—instead, I’ll just say that you have to be respectful of that. I mean, hey—even I need to work on that (hello, I just ripped everyone who’s talked about their kids’ genitals on the Internet. Not my choice certainly, but it might have been yours. Sorry for being judgey). I just see all these angry arguments erupt on the dumbest of things—even on minor things like cloth diapers vs. disposable. I mean, who cares what kind of receptacle your child craps in, and why do you care what receptacle my kid will crap in?! Right? Or here’s a biggie: drug-free vs. epidural births. Listen, I don’t care how you did it. I’ll do what’s best for me, thanks. On that particular topic, however, I do feel the need to point out though that it bothers me to no end that drug-free births are the ones that are referred to as “natural.” I know what they’re saying, but can we call a spade a spade? Most births are natural, in my book. If the kid is coming out of your nether regions, it’s a natural process, whether you use drugs or not. So let’s just call drug-free births what they are: drug-free births. And epidural births are births with, you know, drugs. Honestly, I should really just stop reading BabyCenter threads because it seems that’s where a lot of asshole moms seem to hang out. And on that note…
…on chicks who POST TO FORUMS INSTEAD OF CALLING THE DOCTOR. Really, I get the appeal of Dr. Google, I do. And I understand wanting to see if what you are experiencing is normal instead of calling the doctor 25 times (hi, I’ve totally done the whole “Google frantically and read forum threads” thing myself!). I think this is totally fine for minor things like muscle aches & pains, etc. But if you are posting shit like “I have been leaking fluid for the last day and I’m having regular contractions, do you think I should go to the doctor?” then I’m sorry but YOU ARE BEING AN IDIOT. I have seen this on more than one occasion and I always a) feel really scared for the poster (little known fact: I am super afraid of pre-term labor. Also, I’m not totally heartless—that shit is scary and I get wanting to gather opinions, but it’s just not something anyone but the DOCTOR can tell you about.) and then b) immediately have a visceral YOU ARE BEING A MORON reaction. I really, really don’t wish ill-will or bad experiences on anyone, but come the eff on, are you serious?! When in doubt, call a doctor. ALWAYS.
…on Unbaby.me. I don’t get why people [read: offended moms] care so much about this app. I also love STFU Parents, so there’s that [please, everyone: if I am ever like that, SLAP ME SILLY.]. I think they’re both hilarious, and I don’t really give two shits if people don’t like my bump photos or don’t want to see photos of my baby. That’s why there’s an unsubscribe button on Facebook. I couldn’t really care less who unsubscribes [says the girl who unfriended about 165 people on Facebook a few months ago because I couldn’t remember why I was friends with them in the first place.]. I unsubscribe from people all the time for various reasons. No harm, no foul.
Pretty much the #1 reason I unsubscribe from people on Facebook. Multiple political diatribes posted on a regular basis annoy the crap out of me. See also: people who use the Spotify app or want to tell me what their workout was. Sorry, don’t care what you’re listening to or how far you ran on the treadmill.
…on cloth vs. disposable. Disposable for the win! I’ll let the rest of you save the environment in diaper form for me. I think those cloth suckers are so freakin’ cute, but it is just not for us. For one, I hate laundry already and can’t imagine doing it any more often than necessary (like once a week, if that). Cloth dipes, as far as I can tell from all the blog posts & tutorials I’ve read, need to be washed significantly more often than that. On the other hand, I also don’t want to shell out for a diaper service to avoid said laundry. And lastly, I just don’t feel like teaching anybody about cloth. Everyone we know uses disposables, and I have no desire to give diapering lessons to the grandmas, friends, cousins, daycare providers, etc. etc. etc. Cloth is a nice option these days but it’s just not for us. They sure are cute though!
…on taking a 12 week maternity leave completely unpaid. I just have to toot our horns here for a minute. I am really proud of what my husband and I have been able to accomplish this year. Aside from buying our house & paying down other debt, we’ve really been able to sock a lot away in savings. I am taking 12 weeks maternity leave and none of that will be paid (another story for another day). We have totally saved more than enough to cover my paychecks while I am off of work, and man, it feels really awesome. This year, I feel like a grown-up for the first time ever. It is awesome and weird and scary and cool all at the same time. I’m just…really proud of us.
So there you go. Feel free to offer up your opinions on any of the above topics, and tell me why I’m wrong and you’re right. And as always, a disclaimer: if I’ve offended you in any way, I’m sorry. Keep in mind that these are just MY thoughts on various topics and in no way, shape, or form am I saying that you have to feel the same way!